The Secret of Knowing When To Return eMails & Phone Calls
Are you or is someone you know sluggish at returning phone calls and emails? I think most of us could answer yes about others and ourselves at times. Here’s a fresh perspective to add to you think tank. Developing it has made a massive difference in my relationships.
Active Waiting vs. Passive Waiting:
Active Waiting: To maintain a state of poised readiness in anticipation of an event.
Upon sending someone a communication of any type, you go into what we call “Active Waiting.” You maintain a state of poised readiness in anticipation of a return email or phone call. In business when communication comes from an individual that has the power to make you money, you never want to let them go pass the point of Active Waiting before firing off some sort of reply. Even if the reply is a note that you will get back to them is a good start. This keeps them in active waiting, which means that making you money is on the top of their priorities.
Passive Waiting: Doing nothing except waiting for the event to arrive.
Once a person goes beyond active waiting they fall into Passive Waiting. This usually takes place between 6 and 24 hours depending on the level of intensity associated with the communication. Passive Waiting is a position in which the individual doing the waiting becomes more the effect of the return communication rather than an active, profitable participant in it. If you send someone a communication and move into passive waiting prior to getting a response it ends up being detrimental to the other party.
Stress and Timed Release:
I define stress as a force that distorts a things true shape or form. When dealing with someone under stress you are not dealing with the individual while in their true shape or form. Stress induced by time is the most common form of stress. When a person is in Active Waiting after sending you a communication there is an internal building of stress that develops when the reply goes beyond an anticipated period of time. Ever sit at a red light thinking it should have changed already. Almost without thinking about it a person will lean forward in his seat, check both directions and check the rear-view mirror. All of these are physical expressions of the internal stress that is building. We have all sat and listened to an answer to a question that is taking too long. We begin to sigh, tap our feet, and cut in. Once again these are all expressions of the internal building of stress.
If, for example, you are sending out communication to a co-worker whom has the ability to generate income from your efforts but return communication is slow, stress will build. You will find yourself not as motivated to assist this person even if it is a part of your job description as engaging with them equals stress. This can cause a downfall for an entire team because when we talk about teamwork we’re talking about two subjects; Agreement and communication.
How we subconsciously gauge who’s calls & emails to return and when:
Typically, if we’re talking about communication that exists between people with an ongoing business or employer / employee relationship, our return phone call & email are based about 80% on the following factors.
1) Convenience
2) Priority of information received
3) Respect for the sending party
4) Perceived control over the sending party. How much do they need you vs. you need them etc.
5) Perceived internal consistency. What you believe their opinion is of your ethical standards as a person.
Here is the number one reason used for not returning communication that is in actuality false by definition.
1) Being Busy
If we’re going to implement a winning personal communication practice and be a true leader within our areas of influence, then this is one of those false datum’s that we want to shake. Let’s think about it… Busy doing what? Communicating most likely, which means we should be saying, “I’m too busy communicating to communicate with you.”
That doesn’t make any sense and what’s worse is that most of the people we’re saying that to automatically know that but they just don’t know how to verbalize or won’t. Here’s a fun experiment. Ignore your spouses for about three days and then tell them that you were just too slammed at the office to talk with them. Let’s see how well that goes for you.
The error in the thinking is the natural assumption that people automatically understand our challenges and priorities. They don’t. They just assume they’re not important and as a result stop making you the amount of money as would otherwise be possible. If we’re clamoring for every ounce of profit we can get our hands on then this scenario would go down on the bad idea list. I submit that if we can’t even go a short time without communicating with our family who understands our challenges better than anyone, without a detailed explanation, then why would we think the rest of our relationships are going to get it?
“He who successfully handles the most communications in the shortest period of time typically realizes the most success financially and with their personal relationships. “
The biggest challenge most people have is with emails. My advice is to take you Inbox at the end of every day and move all answered emails to an answered emails folder. That way everything you see in your inbox is traffic that is un answered. I like to keep voice mails as new until answered because once I feel the urge to save it and put it on the back burner I know that the individual who left me the message is about to go into Passive Waiting on me.
Right to Communicate:
Communicating is a privilege. People don’t automatically have the right to communicate with us but often they think they do. Call it entitlement issues. What we’re talking about here is communication with existing relationships. The idea of this concept is not to return every communication from everyone in the universe. If you’re in charge of a large ship you should have levels set up and gate keepers to filter new opportunities with new people. Once you allow someone in your inner circle, the idea is to continually integrate the relationship to the next level. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend Christmas together or fly clear across the country 4 times a year.
While everyone has their personal concept of good communication or of the ideal make-up of the best relationships, what’s really only needed is quite simple. The key is to communicate frequently by any means necessary and to keep both parties in active waiting. This is the only thing required to improve the profitability of any relationship from any distance on a daily basis.
Now do yourself a favor and go return some calls and emails.